Cura Cafe Questions and Answers
This is a place where we share some of your questions and answers from Shivonne that we think will benefit our community. Personal identifying information has been removed. Click Here if you have a question you would like to submit.
Trouble Sleeping
Dear Shivonne, since my husband passed away, I’m finding it very difficult to fall asleep. I really don’t want to take sleeping pills. Do you have any tricks to help?
Thank you,
First, I want you to know that what you’re experiencing is incredibly common — and incredibly human.
When we lose someone we love, sleep is often one of the first things that changes. The house feels different. The silence feels different. Even the bed feels different.
Many of the families I work with quietly share the same struggle, especially in the months after a loss.
Before turning to medication, there are a few gentle things that can help your body settle again at night.
Try creating a small evening ritual that signals to your mind that it’s safe to rest. This could be something as simple as making a cup of tea, dimming the lights, or playing soft music you enjoy. Our nervous systems respond to rhythm and familiarity, especially during grief.
If the home feels too quiet, consider leaving a television or soft radio on in another room. Many people find that a bit of background sound eases the loneliness that nighttime can bring.
During the day, getting outside for even a short walk can make a meaningful difference. Natural light helps regulate sleep patterns more than most people realize, and fresh air often softens the weight of the day.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Grief does not follow a schedule, and sleep will return in its own time. If nights feel especially long, having a companion present in the home — even just a few evenings a week — can bring comfort and a sense of security.
You are not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.
Warmly,
Shivonne
When do I know I need help?
Dear Shivonne,
When do i know i need help?
Thank you,
The quiet moment, families realize they need help
There is always a moment.
It rarely happens in a doctor’s office or during a formal conversation.
More often, it arrives quietly — standing in a kitchen, opening a refrigerator, or noticing that the mail hasn’t been opened in weeks.
It’s the moment an adult child realizes that things have shifted.
I see this every week with my family. Successful, capable people who are used to managing everything suddenly find themselves navigating unfamiliar territory: a parent who is slowing down, recovering from a hospital stay, or simply not as steady as they once were.
Most families don’t call for help immediately.
They watch.
They adjust.
They tell themselves it’s temporary.
And then comes the moment when it becomes clear that a little support at home would make everything feel more manageable — not just for their loved one, but for themselves as well.
What I gently remind families is this: bringing support into the home isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s often the very thing that allows life to continue feeling normal.
A few hours of help with meals.
Someone present in the evenings.
A steady, familiar face checking in during the week.
These small additions can restore a sense of calm and predictability in a household that may be quietly carrying a great deal of worry.
The goal is never to take over someone’s independence.
The goal is to protect it.
When support is introduced thoughtfully and at the right time, it allows individuals to remain in the homes they love, surrounded by the routines and comforts that matter most. It also allows families to return to being daughters, sons, and spouses again — instead of full-time coordinators and caretakers.
If you’ve had that quiet moment of realization, you’re not alone.
Many families are navigating the same questions, often more quietly than you might expect.
And sometimes, a small step toward support can make everything feel lighter.
Warmly,
Shivonne
Medication Management
Dear Shivonne,
I set up my father’s medications in a weekly pill case. He has morning and night medications. Our caregiver comes in the morning and stays till after lunch, so she is able to remind him to take his morning medicine, and she confirms with me that he has taken them. He has been taking his medicine before bed on his own, but there have been a couple of times recently where she found the nighttime pills were still in the case the next morning. I don’t live close enough to run over there every night, but it would also be expensive for us to hire a caregiver at night just for that. Do you have any suggestions about how I can monitor this from afar?
Thank you for sharing this important concern. A few strategies may help you monitor your father’s nighttime medications without adding the cost of extra care. One option is to try a smart pillbox (e.g., MedMinder, Hero, or PillDrill) that includes reminder alerts and remote monitoring, which can send alerts to your father and notify you if a dose is missed. Some pharmacies also provide blister packs or pre-sorted medications, which make it easier to see whether pills were taken. You might also ask your doctor or pharmacist if any of the nighttime medications could be safely switched to daytime use when the caregiver is present. As a low-cost backup, setting up a nightly phone call or automated reminder could help reinforce the habit. If available, a trusted neighbor, volunteer, or community program might also provide occasional evening check-ins. Starting with a smart pillbox is often the most effective step, and you can evaluate its success after a few weeks.
With care,
Shivonne
